Second Conversation With Myself

Me: "It was so cool... yesterday I found those vinyl training pants. Unbelievable! I thought they stopped making them forever."

I: "Yeah- and at two bucks a pop they were a steal! So exciting!"

Me: "But now we have to actually put them to use."

I: "Hey- our problems are not THAT bad."

Me: "The pants are way too small for us dufus! They're for Phoebe."

I: "Duh- I was being funny... loser."

Me: "What-ev. So anyhoo... we now are at a crossroads. To potty train or not to potty train."

I: "I say that she needs to start- the sooner the better!"

Me: "You're probably right. But do you think she's ready?"

I: "Phoebe will be fine. She tries to pull up her own pants and says "pee-pee" often enough."

Me: "She says "pee-pee" like every 10 minutes- and who know what she's REALLY saying."

I: "We should implement the every 30 minutes "schedule". Every 30 minutes we put her on her little potty. Completely do away with diapers during the day except when she's napping and bedtime."

Me: "I think she should still have diapers handy for outtings too."

I: "Wimp."

Me: "What? It's a reasonable suggestion."

I: "Where's your sense of adventure?!"

Me: "You stole it. Besides I don't want to deal with keeping a poopy training pant in the diaper bag. People are going to look at us like we... you know..."

I: "Farted? Messed our pants?"

Me: "Yeah."

I: "You're such a ninny!"

Me: ".... Whatever... soooooo anyway... maybe we should hold off on the potty training until after Stephen's born."

I: "You want to deal with THAT many diapers?"

Me: "But if we start now it'll just be something else to put Phoebe through. We're already going to be changing rooms and getting stuff set up for Stephen and after Stephen's here Phoebe's already going to be going through alot. Let's just let her adjust to everything first."

I: "She'll be two by the time everything is "normal" again. By then she'll be out of the novelty phase of going potty. In any case- we shouldn't treat her like she'll be traumatized for the rest of her life simply because stuff is changing in her world and we potty train in the middle of it. She has adjusted extremely well (and might I add quickly) when she's faced a change in her oh so short life. We are not raising a marshmellow."

Me: "Your observation is duly noted. And I agree- Phoebe is not a marshmellow... I suppose we can just see how well she does now and who knows, maybe she'll catch on really fast."

I: " Ha! I win!"

Me: "BUT we still take diapers on outtings!"

I: "Fine."

Is It Weird That I Talk to Myself?

CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF ABOUT WEIGHT:


Me: "Hey there."

I: "Hi."

Me: "You know, you're getting kinda fat."

I: "I'm pregnant."

Me: "Oh yeah. So when's this gonna, you know..."

I: "In March, hopefully the end of February."

Me: "Whew! I thought we were gonna be like this forever!"

I: "Do you think we'll lose the weight fast like with the first one?"

Me: "I hope so- you don't look as attractive with that second chin."

I: "Ugh... I totally agree. I can handle feeling like Shamu, but that second chin puts a real damper on this whole experience."

Me: "Really?"

I: "No."

Me: "Do you think you'll ever look like you did in college?"

I: "Whaddya mean? The 5'4" 110 lbs. of skin and bone? I don't think so."

Me: "Well at least you're being realistic."

I: "I wish I could be that small again, but you remember what we went through. I could never do THAT again."

Me: "Yeah- we were really dumb huh?"

I: "Yeah- stupid social pressures to be super skinny."

Me: "Yeah."

I: "Stephen kicked again."

Me: "Yup... It's so worth it though."

I: "What's worth what?"

Me: "The process of having kids... the changes that happen physically and emotionally and mentally. Phoebe and Stephen are worth every stretch mark and every pound that may or may not ever come off."

I: "I agree. When Phoebe cried for the first time- all those maternal fat stores didn't mean anything."

Me: "Yeah. And when Stephen cries for the first time- they still won't mean anything. Now- after a few days of looking pregnant and not being pregnant, the fat stores might bother me."

I: "Ehh, the hubby says we're going to have a gym membership and we'll get small again."

Me: "Yay for gym memberships! Remember he used to be our workout buddy in college."

I: "He's soooo the best workout buddy ever! Well... except for you."

Me: "Thanks. Hey, do you think we'll ever get washboard abs?"

I: "Hahahaha- that's like asking if I'll ever model for a magazine."

Me: "After what you put me through? Psssh! I don't think so."

I: "Well... Phoebe needs to go to bed and you need to make the hubster lunch and breakfast."

Me: "You mean 'you' right?"

I: "Riiiiight."

Ponderings From the Second Go-Round

As a first time preggo- everything was cause for anxiety. What's that pain- is something wrong? I don't feel right- is something wrong? I'm a hormonal wreck- is this normal? I'm sooo fat- ugh! I don't exercise enough, I don't drink enough water, I don't get enough protein, is it normal to have these feelings? What is baby going to be like, what's LABOR going to be like, is it gonna hurt as much as I think it will? I just want this baby OUT!!! And turns out... we both came out of everything just fine. I know there are alot of women who don't have as great an experience and yes there are women out there who have an even better experience (like no ripping, all natural, and look as great after as they did before they got pregnant). And then there's women who can't get pregnant... or can't have a "normal" pregnancy.

So here's to the second go-round. Totally different experience so far... except for the nausea and achiness and potty breaks round the clock. Different gender, different demeanor, not so much kicking, and not so much anxiety. I didn't even feel pregnant for the first trimester (the only reminder was the aforsaid three). I've taken a lot of things for granted because the first pregnancy went off without a hitch (it was when she wanted to come out that things went awry). But new anxieties have arisen. The main one being- LABOR.

I know what not to expect this time around. I'm not expecting to flitter into the hospital calm or collected. i'm not expecting for everything to go according to plan and most definitely I'm NOT expecting to have a painless experience. With Phoebe I was induced and they said that the contractions were alot harder than "natural" ones. After all was said and done- I had figured I could handle any contractions that weren't as hard as those ones because honestly- they hadn't been super bad like "I'm going to kill someone" bad or "I'm going to die" bad.

But now the hard part... what DO I expect to happen? I know it's going to hurt and it's gonna hurt sooner. I never really experienced labor before my water broke- and I only experienced Braxton Hicks (that I could discern) a few times. My body freaked and well... I wish I could say I didn't. I know that if I go "natural" I probably will tear and it's gonna hurt alot more because I'll feel it this time. I know that if I have an epidural the chances of repeat spinal headaches are possible. Some days I wish I was completely oblivious to what could happen. So many if's and I have absolutely no control over them whatsoever.

I remember talking to a dear Sister about my fear of having another child and she told me to think on Christ. I asked her... how? She explained that Christ knew exactly what was going to happen though He had never experienced it before. He knew the pain He'd endure and He still followed through setting His face like a flint- totally focused- to the point where His disciples were in fearful awe. He also knew He would be completely seperated from His Father- totally alone. But above all Christ knew that it would not last forever and at the end of the suffering, shame, and loneliness, He would triumph and bring many people into Heaven with Him.

I know it'll be painful, possibly excruciatingly painful, but it won't last forever. "And it shall come to pass" has become my encouraging term. The nausea- has come to pass- thankfully! The pain shall come to pass, the fear shall come to pass, the labor shall come to pass, and after it all there will be my little son- cradled in my arms. There we will be- a growing family. That will be my focus... the end of one stage and the beginning of another. I actually feel peace about the end of this pregnancy period- the labor and birth. And that is the best feeling in the world to a growing Preggo on her second go-round.