I stay at home because... *get ready for it*... it's what's best for my child(ren).
In a world so adult-centered naturally caring and loving parents have turned to what's best for the children in the "end" instead of what's best for them in the "now". So now that I have upset many moms and dads who put their children in daycare- hear me out. I know that many parents don't have a choice- single moms who don't have that father to help out financially and yes maybe fathers raising their children alone and even those who have to work second and third jobs just to get by. But I'm talking about moms and dads who do have a choice. Situations where a mother doesn't have to work full time in order to pay bills (necessary bills- not like the extravagant ones like a third vehicle (even a brand new second one) or a HUGE house that really has waaaaay too much space and extra amenities to make the "sacrifice" worth it). I've probably gotten myself in deeper trouble, but I have to write this because a very thought provoking books has entered my existence and I just needed to write this somewhere and I figure what better place to write it than on Facebook?
For those who actually want to listen to these ramblings with an open mind- please continue reading. For those who are very upset at me for even bringing this up... sorry- you don't have to keep reading and you can just pretend I never said anything, keeping our Facebook relationship intact.
So... this book I'm reading has taught me that society itself has taught us since the 60's and even 70's that we need to think about ourselves as adults- what makes us happy, successful, how to rise the proverbial ladder quicker and more efficiently. Sadly- this has left adults thinking less of the children that they happen to have living under the same roof. I'm not judging what has already happened- that's for you to decide- I'm just writing. I'll give you an example... would you as a parent WILLINGLY put your child in a place where they would get sicker, more aggressive, and become emotionally estranged from their mothers more rapidly? I know I wouldn't, but that's what Daycare, according to lots and lots of research, does for children. But let's put the research aside... can you imagine what your child goes through when they are dropped off? Imagine for a moment that you have no concept of where you're at or time and the person you've seen everyday since you can rememember just leaves you. I would totally freak-out. That is what many kids, even well adjusted ones, go through. It gets even worse when you have an ear-ache, fever, vomiting, and just plain feel horrible. No mommy to comfort you or hold you (or even take you to the doctor in a timely manner sometimes- which makes it worse) What about the other children around their little sick friend? Well- they get sick too and the cycle repeats. And what about the daycare workers? I was one for 8 months and I can tell you there is nothing worse than seeing a child who is sick and needs to see a doctor immediately and the mom comes in flustered, not because her child is sick, but because she had to take time off of work to come in a pick up this little nuisance when there's so much work to be done. It's sad, even heartbreaking and I wasn't even a parent OR married at that point in my life! Would you willingly put your child through that? Some parents don't have a choice, but many do. And lots of women in particular say to themselves, "I have a career"- "I couldn't stay at home- I'd go crazy!" Does this sound like the importance is placed on the adult or on the child? Fifty years ago women wouldn't give a second thought to staying home. So what has changed? Our mentality- that's what. PTA meetings used to have huge numbers of available mothers- now- it's rare to have ten without scheduling conflicts. I'm not gonna go into the aggressive behavior (aka biting, hitting, and yelling). All daycare workers KNOW what THAT'S like. History has shown us through such wonderful people as the Columbine shooters, and Ted Bundy that many children who remain unsupervised and have two working parents don't always turn out "ok". Why has the rate of ADD and ADHD gone up rapidly, why has obesity hit an all time high, and why are so many children, AND now grown adults, medicated since thirty years ago and many teenage girls getting pregnant? I know the answer to that one because tons and tons of research has been done. But why is it being ignored? Because of our adult-centered society. They give the excuse that children need less and less parent attention by scholarly child experts and pediatricians. Like many of those stupid drug companies who make up excuses for you to take stuff - they'll say anything to make you feel better about the decisions you make. But it's a complete fallacy- children need their parents even more and they need parents especially when they're young (daycare age).
Don't assume that just because I stay at home that I'm high and mighty- nothing could be further from the truth. There have been many days where I think to myself, "Why do I stay at home? This is so hard." I get selfish and wish that maybe I had another option. I don't go to play groups and almost every day is just me and Phoebe until 5 o'clock or later. It gets lonely. But do I quit? Absolutely NOT! The best thing a parent can give their child is themself. No money or car or house or "fun" can replace the need for a loving pair of parent arms to wrap around them when they take their first step or when they fall down after climbing onto something. When I worked in a daycare I was with the babies mostly- and when those kids took their first steps inthat classroom- it was one of the worst feelings I could feel because I knew that their parent had missed that moment. Maybe it's because I worked in a daycare that I felt in my heart that I'd never do that to my child. Thankfully I do have a husband who supports me. We could easily afford a bigger house, another car, and lots of stuff if I was working. But what's worth more? My child or the stuff? In twenty years what would be worse? Having an empty house and kids who don't know me or not getting that promotion for the many years I worked? I think you know the answer to that one.
I write all this to say that I had to write something- spill my guts and empty my soul becuase, Wow... I'm a mom and I have precious little people who look to me for their needs.
PS- going back to not judging, but analyzing the information... I can't judge because my own mom worked. I love my mom. We're not as close as I wish we could be, but I love her. And as far as I can remember we never went to Daycare- for that I say thanks Mom.
In conclusion- if I have upset you I apologize. Just take this as my venting and if you're touchy about this subject- welcome to the club. If you're interested in the book I'm reading, the title is "Home-Alone America" by Mary Eberstadt. It's late and I should probably get to bed... long day tomorrow with Phoebe and "Baby #2". :-)
