What do you think of when you think purity? You think... physical, right? Oh as long as I don't look or touch I'm okay. Maybe that's what you're thinking to yourself... but even though you don't look or touch you still... think. Alot of what we say and do begins with a single thought. When I was a teenager I went to the Love God's Way and True Love Waits conferences among lots of other seminars on no drinking or no drugs, but none of those things helped me be pure... in fact to prove how counteractive these conferences were I want to let you know that alot of the girls who accompanied me on these trips ended up pregnant before they graduated from highschool. Sex, alcoholism, homosexuality, drug addiction, pornography, stealing, rape, and dare I say it... murder... these all begin with a single thought. Now I want you to do a little exercise with me. I want you to try to think of everything else than the one word I type out. Ready? Okay here goes...
DON'T THINK OF THIS...
- a shark
HA!!! Admit it... you thought of a shark didn't you? You probably thought of it swimming around, and maybe eating something.
Okay... let's try another one. Don't think of...
-ice cream
Gotcha again! You might've imagined strawberry ice cream, maybe chocolate, or even vanilla, and yes... one of my favorites... Raspberry Truffle. (okay maybe not that exact one)
You have failed my test. Your thoughts kept coming back to the mentioned item didn't they?
The reason I'm writing this note is to express what I have struggled with my entire life... my Thought Life. How can you be pure without having a pure thought life? Even as a married woman with a daughter, I still struggle with my thought life. My anger, my frustration, my envy, my gluttony, all the sins I have committed without lifting a finger... they all exist in my head and my heart. So why do I think about these things?! Aren't you supposed to NOT think of the bad things? My test provided the proof I need to bring my point across. The point is when we focus on the thing we are NOT supposed to think of... we actually push ourself into thinking about it. As a teenager... hormones raging wild... we go to these conferences that focus on SEX!!! So when we go back home into our own little world we think of how we're supposed to stay away from sex which leaves us thinking more and more about sex. Well... THAT'S counterproductive!
SO how do we fix it? How are we supposed to not think of what we're not supposed to be thinking of? The key is where our focus is. If we focus on what we're NOT supposed to be thinking... we think of that. But what if we focus on something completely different? Here's another little test... don't worry you're not getting a grade on this one.
Let's think of these three things... okay go...
1. Calvary
2. Heaven
3. Jesus Christ
If you're mind was focused on these three things answer me this... were you thinking of the new gadget you want for Christmas? Okay- good. And were you thinking of that cute guy/ girl at your church that you'd like to go see a movie with? not until I said something anyway. I want to share with you a few scriptures.
A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1:8
Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. James 4:8
Commit thy works unto the Lord and thy THOUGHTS shall be established. Proverbs 16:3
Finally bretheren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are PURE, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise... THINK ON THESE THINGS. Philippians 4:8
Just mull those verses around in your head. For me my heart and my thoughts are so intertwined and when the Lord says purity... that speaks to me of not just with my body, or my heart, but in my mind! The bible tells me what will happen to me when I'm not focused... INSTABILITY! Purify your hearts ye double-minded! He's speaking to ME!!! But the Lord doesn't leave us to figure out our own way of not focusing on bad things. The Lord speaks through Paul and tells me the things I SHOULD think of. AND if you think carefully... you'll find that each one of those WHATSOEVER'S in Philippians 4:8 speaks of Jesus Christ. HE is TRUE... HONEST... JUST... PURE... LOVELY... OF GOOD REPORT (the BEST report!)... VIRTUOUS... WORTHY OF PRAISE (forever and ever amen!). THINK on JESUS!
In another version Proverbs 16:3 reads... "Commit your activities to the Lord and your plans will be achieved." How perfect to compare THOUGHTS with PLANS... because isn't it so true that our thoughts are actually plans that haven't been decided on or carried out. Focus yourself on Christ today... what you're doing today- give them to the Lord and the plans for tomorrow (our thoughts) are achieved/ established. If it's all committed to God... how can we plan (THINK OF) for premarital sex? or an unexpected pregnancy? or a drug addiction? or stealing from your parents? It's not possible.
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. Matthew 5:8
There's a hymn that I love to sing sometimes... "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look FULL in His wonderful face, and the things of Earth will grow STRANGELY DIM, in the LIGHT of His GLORY and GRACE." I'll leave that at that. May the Lord bless you as you think on Him in all His awesomeness. :-D
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
So I Finally Gave In to the Mess
As hard as it may be to believe- I have only allowed my daughter to "feed herself" at most three times in her lifetime. Once she turned a year old I figured it was only a matter of time before she would have to learn to eat on her own. So today I gathered up the courage, the trashbags, and the plastic bib and let her get to it. Here I am witnessing my daughter pick up a spoon (whether turned upright or down) WITH FOOD IN IT and shovel it in her mouth, splatter it on her face, fling it in her hair and on the chair (and the floor) and all the while feeding herself without any help from me. I'm just sitting back at the table dodging the flying babyfood and I turn her way and she smiled at me with her spoon in hand and as much as I don't want to clean up the aftermath of this experience, I'm glad she can do it on her own (and very well for a beginner might I add). How fun it is to be a mom and I'm so blessed to be able to stay at home with her to see how her little adventures unfold. As my little toddler goes into pincer mode with the peas and carrots I will close this note. For those of you who have kids you know the feeling I'm experiencing. For those of you who don't have kids or have little ones who are not there yet- laugh at me and appreciate the fact that bottles don't make this much mess. :-D So... who's ready for a bath?! :-D
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Unforgettable Birthday...
So yesterday was my birthday. My 25th Birthday. The night before- my twin sister (whose birthday is the same day as mine- duh.) was in the ER waiting to be checked out. She had severe side and stomach pain and a headache- all of which had gradually gotten worse. After talking with her and both of my parents I went to sleep. The morning of my birthday Larry prepped cereal for me and let me open my presents. I got a yoga block, a candle, and perfume from VS. I called my parents to see how Rachel (my twin) was doing. They had released her at 6am and found out that she was going to have a baby boy- so exciting! I asked if she was still hurting and indeed she was, but as long as the baby was fine (which he was) she was going to be okay. After Larry and I ate, we walked for about half an hour. We came back and stuffed Phoebe's diaper bag so we could go shopping. Now shopping is my favorite thing in the whole world to do so needless to say I enjoyed myself thoroughly. My friend Jamie called me around noon to tell me happy birthday and that she has a present for me and one for Phoebe too and if we could get together this weekend. I talked to Larry about it and I'll have to call her sometime today. I also got a call around 1pm to hear that Rachel was once again in the ER, but this time with bleeding and of course pain. The doctors hadn't found anything amiss in the sonogram and were confused as to what was going on. So I told my parents to keep me posted on her condition and said bye. Larry and Phoebe joined me at the theater to watch Star Trek- the movie I had been dying to see since I saw the first preview. It was a good movie. We got out around 4pm and headed home to get ready for dinner and for Phoebe to get ready to go to church with her grandparents. I heard from my parents again and this time my sister was being admitted into the hospital and she was dilating and scared. I was scared for her and for my little nephew- and prayed that they would be alright. I was expecting them to sew up her cervix and everything would be okay. Afterwards Larry and I went to dinner at Osaka and they sang happy birthday to me and cooked our food right in front of us. It was very entertaining- even if it was a Wednesday night and slow. I had sushi and it was sooooo good. Larry had filet mignon and enjoyed it thoroughly. After we picked up Phoebe from Larry's parents' house we went to bed.
Larry woke me up to kiss me goodbye before heading off to work. And around 7:45am I just couldn't sleep any longer so I got out of bed and started cleaning and such- the things a housewife does normally. I called my sister to see if she was okay, but no answer. My dad called me a few minutes later to tell me the news I feared would reach my ears. My sister had an infection in her uterus (where the baby is) and once the infection reaches the uterus the baby has no chance of survival. It was a really bad infection. They let her dilate and she gave birth to a 4 inch long baby boy at 6am on May 14th. He was born at 16 weeks gestation and as Rachel would later put it, "He was perfect". I cried- it felt like someone punched me in the stomach and I felt so much pain for my sister. It was as if my heart broke into little pieces and I felt numb. I called Larry crying and he said no words could express how sorry he was. I was angry and sad at the same tme. I was angry that the hospital didn't find it out sooner and deeply grieved for my sister.
So as I tried to compose myself before attending to Phoebe as she woke up- I thought to myself. A year ago around 5am San Antonio time my water broke. That would've been 6am time in Durham, where my sister is. I was 3 weeks early and my body was not preparing itself to deliver a baby- my contractions were eratic and infection was what I feared the most. 37 hours later my daughter was born. It could've happened so differently and Phoebe might not have made it, but she did and for that I'm thankful. Tomorrow I celebrate my daughter's entrance into the world and grieve for my nephew's departure. It's at times like this you ask God why? Why would you take away this precious life from someone who wanted it so much? Only He knows the answer to that question, but all I know is that in this tragedy good still reigns and my little nephew is smiling into the face of God- something I draw closer to with every breath I breathe. I never thought jealousy would creep up in a time like this, but my nephew is so happy and perfect and oh how I long to do what he is doing now. Face to face with Christ my Savior...
Larry woke me up to kiss me goodbye before heading off to work. And around 7:45am I just couldn't sleep any longer so I got out of bed and started cleaning and such- the things a housewife does normally. I called my sister to see if she was okay, but no answer. My dad called me a few minutes later to tell me the news I feared would reach my ears. My sister had an infection in her uterus (where the baby is) and once the infection reaches the uterus the baby has no chance of survival. It was a really bad infection. They let her dilate and she gave birth to a 4 inch long baby boy at 6am on May 14th. He was born at 16 weeks gestation and as Rachel would later put it, "He was perfect". I cried- it felt like someone punched me in the stomach and I felt so much pain for my sister. It was as if my heart broke into little pieces and I felt numb. I called Larry crying and he said no words could express how sorry he was. I was angry and sad at the same tme. I was angry that the hospital didn't find it out sooner and deeply grieved for my sister.
So as I tried to compose myself before attending to Phoebe as she woke up- I thought to myself. A year ago around 5am San Antonio time my water broke. That would've been 6am time in Durham, where my sister is. I was 3 weeks early and my body was not preparing itself to deliver a baby- my contractions were eratic and infection was what I feared the most. 37 hours later my daughter was born. It could've happened so differently and Phoebe might not have made it, but she did and for that I'm thankful. Tomorrow I celebrate my daughter's entrance into the world and grieve for my nephew's departure. It's at times like this you ask God why? Why would you take away this precious life from someone who wanted it so much? Only He knows the answer to that question, but all I know is that in this tragedy good still reigns and my little nephew is smiling into the face of God- something I draw closer to with every breath I breathe. I never thought jealousy would creep up in a time like this, but my nephew is so happy and perfect and oh how I long to do what he is doing now. Face to face with Christ my Savior...
Friday, May 1, 2009
The BIG 25!!!!!
I'm officially two weeks away from turning a quarter of a century old. Most people think that your 25th birthday is just another birthday, but to me it is much more than that. 18 is the birthday that says you're a grown up, 21 is the birthday that says you can drink alcohol, but the reason 25 is such a big number for me is because well... I'm a quarter through a century and one more birthday closer to Heaven. If I can be indulgent for a few moments I'd like to take you through my train of thought...
This is the FIRST birthday of me officially being a mother (meaning the baby is out of the belly). Two days after I turn 25, my daughter will be turning 1. This will be my SECOND birthday married- yup almost a month after I turn 25 I will celebrate two wonderful years of marriage. I met my husband the day before I turned 20- so I can still say I was a teenager when I met him. And finally this will be my THIRD birthday graduated from college. I graduated in 2006. Those are probably the three biggest achievements I've reached and their relation to this coming birthday is pretty remarkable.
So as I'm two weeks away from turning 25 my ponderings rest on the fact that I'll also be celebrating 19 years of knowing my marvelous Lord and Savior. I actually turned 6 almost a month before I accepted the gift of knowing Jesus personally. Christ is the reason I am who I am- He's the reason I make most of the decisions I do- and He's also the reason I have few regrets in my life. Oh I have regrets as I look back, but not as many as I know others might have. He's brought me so far from the little girl in Sunday School who asked Him to save her from the bad things she had done, to take control of her life and to take her home to be with Him when she dies. He has NEVER failed me- no not once. Now I have a daughter and as much as I love her and hold her to be one of the most precious gifts in my life- I know He loves her so much more than I possibly could. And the love He has for her is the same special love He has for me, the same love He has for you. When I was 16, I couldn't see myself 17, when I was 17, I couldn't believe I was turning 18, and when I turned 21- MAN I was really in disbelief! (not due to alcohol by the way- I know some of you were thinking why 21?) You want to know why? It's because I expected that the Lord was gonna come back for me or take me home. So it's always a joy to get older for me because it's one more birthday closer to Christ. I look back on the past 25 years and I see all the faces that are no longer here on this Earth and it's for a few special ones that I wish I could be young again so I would still have them to touch and talk to. Some I know I'll see again, but there are a few others I'm sad to say who will not be where I'm going. For their sakes I wish that they had chosen Christ in this life so they wouldn't have to suffer like they are.
The one thing about getting older, that I wish was not a part of the process, is seeing how innocent life used to be compared to how the world really is today, and to realize more and more the evil days we are living in and to know that my child will be faced with greater temptations and hardship than I have to face. So I pray that she too will come to know Christ at a young age- so she too will be spared from the consequences of not knowing Him. I'm not a real political person (which is ironic since my husband's family is very involved politically), but I will say although I respect the authority God has given to this President, I wonder if it was for the reason of showing us how far we've drifted away from God.
Enough of my ramblings. I just want to finish out saying I'm glad that the Lord has allowed me to live this long, to experience this life as I know it. I'm even more thankful that He made a way for me to be with Him when this life is over.
This is the FIRST birthday of me officially being a mother (meaning the baby is out of the belly). Two days after I turn 25, my daughter will be turning 1. This will be my SECOND birthday married- yup almost a month after I turn 25 I will celebrate two wonderful years of marriage. I met my husband the day before I turned 20- so I can still say I was a teenager when I met him. And finally this will be my THIRD birthday graduated from college. I graduated in 2006. Those are probably the three biggest achievements I've reached and their relation to this coming birthday is pretty remarkable.
So as I'm two weeks away from turning 25 my ponderings rest on the fact that I'll also be celebrating 19 years of knowing my marvelous Lord and Savior. I actually turned 6 almost a month before I accepted the gift of knowing Jesus personally. Christ is the reason I am who I am- He's the reason I make most of the decisions I do- and He's also the reason I have few regrets in my life. Oh I have regrets as I look back, but not as many as I know others might have. He's brought me so far from the little girl in Sunday School who asked Him to save her from the bad things she had done, to take control of her life and to take her home to be with Him when she dies. He has NEVER failed me- no not once. Now I have a daughter and as much as I love her and hold her to be one of the most precious gifts in my life- I know He loves her so much more than I possibly could. And the love He has for her is the same special love He has for me, the same love He has for you. When I was 16, I couldn't see myself 17, when I was 17, I couldn't believe I was turning 18, and when I turned 21- MAN I was really in disbelief! (not due to alcohol by the way- I know some of you were thinking why 21?) You want to know why? It's because I expected that the Lord was gonna come back for me or take me home. So it's always a joy to get older for me because it's one more birthday closer to Christ. I look back on the past 25 years and I see all the faces that are no longer here on this Earth and it's for a few special ones that I wish I could be young again so I would still have them to touch and talk to. Some I know I'll see again, but there are a few others I'm sad to say who will not be where I'm going. For their sakes I wish that they had chosen Christ in this life so they wouldn't have to suffer like they are.
The one thing about getting older, that I wish was not a part of the process, is seeing how innocent life used to be compared to how the world really is today, and to realize more and more the evil days we are living in and to know that my child will be faced with greater temptations and hardship than I have to face. So I pray that she too will come to know Christ at a young age- so she too will be spared from the consequences of not knowing Him. I'm not a real political person (which is ironic since my husband's family is very involved politically), but I will say although I respect the authority God has given to this President, I wonder if it was for the reason of showing us how far we've drifted away from God.
Enough of my ramblings. I just want to finish out saying I'm glad that the Lord has allowed me to live this long, to experience this life as I know it. I'm even more thankful that He made a way for me to be with Him when this life is over.
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