My SKIA

You are asleep and here I am reminiscing about the "old days". Those days were filled with excitement as we never knew exactly when we'd see eachother and oh those butterflies that would almost make me sick with the joy of hoping to see you and when you appeared- sheer bliss. Dinners by candlelight; the stares under the stars; and the twinkling of a surprise in your eyes. We would talk about our lives together- someday. Oh how I would get so frustrated because it seemed so far away. I knew from the moment I met you- I had to keep you. I prayed oh Lord do something or take these feelings away. Oh how He did something.
Now we have a year and a half under our "married belt" and oh how it seems a miracle in today's world. I know pretty much when to expect you home and dinner is almost always waiting for your hungry tummy. The candles burn a little less brightly, but they still burn. The stars don't twinkle because we don't look at them anymore and surprises are hard to come by when the one person you want to hide them from knows exactly where they may be. We talk about how our day has gone by- seemingly forever since I saw you this morning when you kissed me goodbye. Sometimes I don't even remember you leaving, but oh how i miss you when you do. I pray oh Lord keep my husband safe and return him to me because I don't know what I would do- please let me keep him. Oh how our Lord does something- you return home to me. You step through that door and brace yourself for the wifey run and jump. You hold me and kiss me once again as I place the question before you- how was your day today? Sometimes it's hard to really talk about what we used to talk about- NOTHING. It's always something about Phoebe, work, home, plans- I feel like this year and a half is more than that and I forget that in some sense we are still newlyweds. Ironic how sometimes I wish we were still engaged to be married- to have the excitement of impending life together, but man I'm glad the planning and craziness is over and we can just enjoy ourselves. Well- we can until our sweet baby wakes up or cries or finds boredom in any place outside of our arms. Still there are times when I look up at you and remember back to "do you trust me this much?" The butterflies seemed to have died- maybe because my stomach acid build up killed them, but maybe there are other butterflies that have grown accustomed to the acid and sleep all the time. I hope the latter is true. I hear you sleeping and although my tired and weary self rejects the notion of rest I would love nothing more than to lay down by you and put my arm around you and dream about us- the life we would talk hours and hours about. But wait- I live that dream everyday because all I really wanted in the life we would talk about-is you.

Because A Grateful Heart Is A Happy Heart

I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm sick, I'm poor, I'm not gonna get a ton of gifts this year, my side of the fmaily isn't coming for Christmas, me, me, me, I, I, I, I don't have... I can't do... I wish I... woah is me. It's Christmas right? So as everyone is bustling around, stressing out, rushing through, hello- goodbye, don't have time, gotta get, be back soon... what in the world and why the heck are we doing what we're doing? This week being that Christmas is on Thursday and as for our little three bodied family having only one present under the Christmas tree- I got to thinkin' why I'm not happy. My baby girl is sick, our house doesn't have insulation in the attic and we can't afford it so it's ALWAYS cold, my husband works so hard, but we won't be getting much for Christmas because bills come at the beginning of January (like our mortgage!). The reason I've not been happy is because I'm not thankful, I'm not grateful for what we do have. Now I'm NOT writing this to sound pious or feel pity for me or any of that. No, the reson I'm writing this is because the other morning I was reading in Hebrews 13:5,15. The first verse out of the two says that we are to not have a covetous conversation (or basically talking about what we want or don't have ), and the second out of the two says to offer the sacrifice of praise continually. So far- I'm not doing so well. These verses reminded me of the little Veggie Tales song that Junior Asparagus sings- because a grateful heart is a happy heart. I'm not so grateful. Instead of praising the Lord for everything I have been given I'm focusing on the lack of presents underneath the tree and the fact that our daughter is still so sick. So as I look upon our pretty Christmas tree and the one present all solo (for my husband by the way) I'm trying hard to push away the me, me, me and let the Thank You God enter in.
Someone once told me, "Either sin will keep you from this book (the bible) or this bok will keep you from sin." Within this past week I know I haven't read everyday like I want to and probably because I was so ungrateful and that was getting in the way of having a desire to read. But getting back to the Word of God is so good. It's like a mirror showing us the things we might not want to see, but are desperately needing to see. I'm thankful that Jesus forgives us from our sins and that after we've confessed He remembers them "no more". So as the start to the next few days has been a rough and tough lesson- I'm looking forward to enjoying Christmas for the reason it's called such. Christ-mas. It's not about presents and decorations, although those things don't hurt. No, it's about God who came down to be the baby who grew to be the man and died to save us, to save me. So even if I don't open a single present this year I'm thankful for the ones I've already been given. BUT if I happen to get desperate to rip paper and bows I've got plenty of that to do so. :-) Everyone have a very Merry Christmas!