Practice For The Empty Nest?!

Last night Larry took the kiddos over to Grandma and Grandpa's house (their favorite place on the planet apparently) which meant no crying in the middle of the night (Bubba), no "I gotta go potty!" for the umptienth time (Phoebe), and a decent amount of sleep for me (5 hours with potty breaks- Holla!). Sounds like a great time for everyone, right? I mean, I woke up to a clean and quiet house for once in what seemed like an eternity! I also woke up crying. The quiet seemed unnatural and the cleanliness reminded me that I had no little people to wake me up in the morning. How could this be?! Wasn't it just yesterday that I was thinking to myself, "I am physically and mentally exhausted and these kids are just grating on my nerves! Get them to their grandparents' house ASAP so I can have SOME peace." I downright had had enough of my own children, but here I am crying because I had to wake up and spend time ALONE in an empty house because Larry had to work and the kids are thoroughly enjoying themselves without me. I haven't done that since I was, well... pregnant with Phoebe. Usually if I have "me" time- it's ME who leaves the house! There's something wrong with this picture. I should be basking in and relishing this relaxation and "peace".

I was rudely reminded of something this morning. The craziness, the mess, the screaming and hair pulling (from the kids), the crying (me), and the unrest (everyone)... all these things were part of the package deal when I first saw those two lines on the pregnancy test almost 4 years ago. This is what God thought I could handle when He, in His grace and love, gave me children. My tears stemmed from a heart that sincerely loves my children and honestly I would've given anything I own to hear my daughter say, "Mommy- Bubba's awake!" this morning. I know they are doing just fine and are probably having so much fun with their uncles and grandparents not even thinking about the agony Mommy is going through. Haha! I mean, it probably wouldn't be so bad if, you know, I was in labor or something, but not only did I have to go a night away from my Phoebe and Bubba- I had to endure another night wondering when Abby will show up. Poor Larry- he puts up with so much. 

So... you may be asking yourself, "What did you do with that time alone?" Well... I'll tell you what I did not do- I did NOT stay home! (insert hysterical laughing) I went to Barnes & Noble to blog because our house does not pick up internet very well (at all) most of the time. So for future reference- if it takes me longer than a week to blog, that's the reason- internet is down. I'm sitting on a hard bench in the children's section at B&N writing. My very pregnant self would rather do this than enjoy the pristine-ness and quietness of my house. Why? That just seems insane. Maybe I am, but maybe I'm not. I'm a mom and one that has a very hard time letting go of my children. Is it because they are 3 and 17 months old? Maybe, but maybe not. I dread the day I let them stay the night at a friend's house, the day that they leave the house for life on their own, get married, have their own kids (well- THAT day I'll probably enjoy thoroughly!), and the day I have to face the reality of an empty nest.  I know I have a few years (THANKFULLY!) but, unless God comes back before then, this is what my life will be like on a constant basis. That's a scary thought. As much as I don't like the insanity of home-life some days... I wouldn't trade it for what I'm experiencing right now. As one other mother once said, "The days are LONG (sometimes unbearably long), but the years are short." It seems like yesterday I was hyperventilating over a pee-stick that read, "A baby's a-comin'!" (a happy hyperventilating by the way). And some days it seems like forever until I'll have to say goodbye to my mess-ridden house. But that empty nest is not so far away (as many of my readers will agree). I'm sure it seems like yesterday that my mom and dad were going crazy running around my twin sister, my two brothers, and myself. And now they have 5 grandchildren (none of which will be living in the same state). Talk about time flying by. I'm sure my mom... well maybe my dad... miss the days when we'd climb up on their lap and give them a big hug or say, "I didn't do it." after they caught one of us in the middle of a broken cup or plate on the floor. I can only imagine how crazy life will still have to get before I watch my darling children walk down the aisle and join their new part of the family. 

So as I woke up to my Empty Nest, I find myself scared of what will be and eternally grateful for what I have today. My precious children are blissfully unaware of what I'm going through and maybe that's a good thing for now. But for the rest of you... y'all get to thoroughly enjoy each thought that comes out this crazy randomness of my brain. :-) For those who have children- Enjoy them while you can. For those of you who don't- enjoy a clean house and the peace and quiet of the empty nest. Each season has it's own blessings and each season should be appreciated while it can be.