In all honesty, when I am not experiencing it for myself, I can get quite irritated at the Facebook posts and comments like "I just want this baby OUT!" or "I am SOOOOOO ready!". But here I am almost 36 weeks pregnant IN July, caring for a 3 yr old AND a 1 yr old. I should probably have more compassion on the women who have only one thing on their mind during the last 4-6 weeks of pregnancy because whether or not I like it or whether or not people are also irritated at me for saying this... I AM SOOOOOOOO SUPER READY!!! I have never wanted to be not pregnant so badly in my life! It is only for the sake of the little person on the inside that I have decided not to forgo the homebirth I am planning and go with an induction... TODAY. These are the things a mother does for their children. That is what love does- total self sacrifice for the welfare of another, right?
Let me explain exactly WHY I am so ready so maybe you can understand where I'm coming from and maybe you'll be less irritated with my cries for mercy.
I didn't mention it before but I figured now is a good a time as any. Only a few friends and relatives know the struggle I've been experiencing and I've had a great support system of prayers and conversations to help me through it all. I have prenatal depression- been taking supplements to keep me "sane". It's not a severe form, but it has effected my health and mind. I've talked with my midwives about it and it seems in general that I don't blame my baby and I love my unborn little one and my family. My depression is more "pregnancy" focused... this means I just hate being pregnant and the physical changes, the things I can't do because I'm pregnant, how pregnancy has halted my life, the guilt I have because I feel like a bad mother to my other two children.... the list could go on and on. I have issues with sleeping, feeling like I didn't want to get out of bed because I had to actually live my life this way. I would cry and cry for no apparent reason and some days I just wanted it to be over. But even through it all I had to remind myself that this little person didn't ask to be here, she was given by a loving God who knows what I can and can't handle with Him. I still hate being pregnant, but I'm thankful that Abby is on her way and she'll be here eventually (seriously- she can't stay in there forever, right?).
Not only does the depression make me antsy to have her here with me already, but the fact that I have two little ones who get the brunt of my frustration and negligence. Seriously, you try enjoying being a mom to two very young children when they constantly make messes that you have to clean up (yeah- good luck bending down), constantly asking for something that requires you to get up (tons of fun especially when your pelvis feels like it's stretching with each step you take), and when they get into something you don't want them to- like the toilet- you have to almost waddle run to stop them and then yet again clean the mess they've made (yes- with poop and pee to boot). I've wanted to hold my kiddos close, rock them to bed, and cuddle them without the fear that the weight of their bodies or their very able legs don't do damage to the little one on the inside. Yeah- I'm a terrible mom. It almost seems like they see the irritation more than any other person in the world.
And on top of it all, my body never really gave me "signs" of prelabor (other than braxton hicks) with my previous pregnancies. The only real sign I knew labor was coming was my water breaking. Yay! This time around... I've had contractions, loose stools, feeling ill, increased discharge, tons of pressure, blah blah blah... and I'm glad she's not born yet- Abby's not ready, I'm not full-term yet. This is what happens when your body is experienced at being pregnant. :-p
My lesson is not so much for everyone else to have patience with my whining and belly-aching (literally). This goes to me more than anyone else. When I read or hear a very pregnant woman go on and on about how they just want to hold their baby already, I'll think twice about being irritated or saying something that really shouldn't be said. These mommas just want to meet the little one that they've waited 9 months to meet. You try waiting that long! :-p I had to write a note so when I deal with this in the future, I will be reminded that I was indeed one of those mommas at some point. Sending love to my other poor mommas out there who have to endure the wait and the irritation from women who are like I was.
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