Sinking In

Now that I've had a day or two to let the reality of Shiloh sink in, here are some thoughts. Bare with me... placenta brain has already taken control (even though the placenta is actually still growing and forming).

One major difference from my other two pregnancies is that I weigh 15 lbs less than I did with Phoebe at this stage and 12 lbs less than I did with Stephen. I feel healthier and have a tad bit of energy that I didn't have with my previous two (which all my mommy-friends know makes a world of difference). My goal after having Stephen was to get healthier in preparation for the next go-round (whenever that would be). So here I am healthier and ready for the next 8 1/2 months! :-)

Another major difference is that "the ladies" don't hurt. With Phoebe, I was miserable. With Stephen, it was pretty bad. This time they don't hurt at all. That kinda made me want to freak out, but EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT. I have to remind myself that every now and again.

I guess the one thing (out of many things!) that I am thankful for right now is that my belly has not expanded like it did with my other two (mostly from bloating). At this point with both kiddos I was already having a hard time fitting into my old clothes. I don't know at what point I'll have to purchase a belly band to expand the life of my current wardrobe, but it'll be fun when I do. The fact that my pregnancy clothes are actually scattered around the country right now doesn't pay me no mind. In fact- my previous pregnancy wardrobe catered to babies being born in winter or spring (and a much larger Mommy). My little summer-due Shiloh has given me an excuse to purchase a new pregnancy wardrobe (not new clothes of course- consignment stores are awesome!). Exciting!

With all these wonderful little differences I am brought back to the reality that not much has changed as I look back on my previous pregnancies. I still get nervous when I "spot" and when those little gas bubbles "flutter" in my pelvis- I am reminded of the little kicks that I once stood still for. I still worry about the "what if's" and if I'll actually see little Shiloh in August. I still think about how Phoebe and now Stephen will react to their new sibling and if they will love Shiloh as much as they love each other. I let my imagination wander as to the gender and what names would suit this little person. With Phoebe we didn't take long to pick out a girl name and boy name. So when we found out Stephen was a boy, we just used the name we would've given Phoebe if she had been a boy. BUT now I have to start from square one- that's exciting! :-D As an "experienced" baby care-giver, I've already decided two things (if everything goes well). I will be nursing and I will be cloth diapering. Yay! Stephen will still be in diapers at that point, but we might be in the potty training process so we'll see. :-)

For those who are curious, I have not had morning sickness in it's full-blown form yet. I've had a few waves of nausea, but for the most part I'm not "sick". For that simple fact, I am EXTREMELY thankful. My sense of smell has skyrocketed and the headaches have begun already. :-p My nasal drainage (which was a plague with Stephen's pregnancy) has begun and I hope it's simply allergies. I'm not exhausted yet, but I'm getting there and my back hurts when I wake up. These are all wonderful little things that tell me that the hormones are increasing and this gives me a bit of comfort.

Hospital birth versus Birth Center vs Home birth:

With Phoebe, as many of you are well aware, we had planned a home-birth. When my labor didn't start after my water broke- we ended up in the hospital, induced labor and needed an epidural (which resulted in spinal headaches- blah). Needless to say, I still struggle with that fact.

With Stephen, we decided to just be in the hospital if the same thing happened. My water broke again, but labor started within 2 hours- still irregular contractions and he pooped in-utero. Doctor freaked out and gave me pitocin and from there- epidural (at leas I got to a 7 beforehand!).

I've told everyone that natural labor and delivery is my heart's earnest desire for Shiloh (obviously- if I need to go to the hospital in an emergency I WILL!) We've decided that a birth center is our best option. I hated going into the hospital- I didn't trust my doctor whole-heartedly and I don't think he liked me much. The staff wouldn't let me bring my Phoebe (oh poor Phoebe) to the appointments and I didn't feel right being there. On the other hand- we probably won't do a home-birth, the closest hospital is the one I delivered Stephen at and as nice as they were... I don't want to go there again. The birth center is four minutes away from University (which is where I delivered Phoebe) and is a great hospital in emergency situations (it has a NICU unlike the one I delivered Stephen at).

I've learned my lesson with Phoebe, if things don't go the way we planned- there's a purpose in it and I will praise the Lord. If the Lord allows me to have a natural labor and delivery- I will glory in Him. I'm not gonna get high and mighty about what I think is best and that it will happen the way I want it to. If I have to have a c-section to have a healthy baby- I will. (I'd rather not, but if I have to I will). My ultimate goal is to have a healthy Shiloh and no matter what happens- that will always be the goal. *sigh*

The dynamic of our household will change... not as much as with my previous two, but it will change nevertheless. Going from none to one was the hardest transition. Going from one to two was easier than I expected. Going from two to three... well I'll have to wait and see. The beauty of having three so close is that they will be close to each other (at least that is my prayer! And God answered my prayer with the arrival of Stephen so beautifully!) Phoebe absolutely LOVES Stephen- more than I could've ever imagined! My hope is that they will love Shiloh as much as they love each other. Right now the household is even- two boys and two girls. Now, unless, we are having fraternal twins, that will change as well. One of the children will have a roommate after Shiloh's 3-6 months of staying in mommy and daddy's room and a big-kid bed will have to be purchased for Phoebe since Stephen will have the toddler bed.

I don't play favorites with my children, but I think Phoebe is my special little girl. I never expected to have a daughter (my husband has 5 brothers- no sisters) and her birth was pretty crazy. She's the one who I make most of my parenting mistakes with and yet she's such a sweet and gentle helper. I'm thankful she was born first. She's going to experience so much change in her short life and as wonderful as she is at adjusting (I think that's a God-given gift for her!) I worry for her. I'm half-hoping Shiloh is a boy so that Phoebe will remain my only little princess, but if Shiloh is a girl I'm pretty sure Phoebe will welcome that fact whole-heartedly! hehe

Well... my blah blah blah has come to its close for now. Thanks for bearing with me. I just needed a moment this morning to reflect and "vent". :-)