Father's Day

There's always a certain sadness when it comes to Father's Day. I haven't spent this day of celebration with my own dad for many years. I think the last time I spent this day with my dad (while he lived in Texas) was in 2000 when we were in the Rio Grande Valley on a mission trip. Yeah... I actually bought his card while there at a Wal-Mart. That was 11 years ago and as I reflect on that fact I feel as if I've missed out on something. From 2001 to 2004 I spent each Father's Day leaving on yet another mission trip to somewhere in West Texas. In October 2004 my family moved to North Carolina and from 2005 until 2008 I was here in Texas, but something or another happened where I couldn't be with my dad for this special day. FINALLY in 2009, I was able to spend Father's Day with my Dad-e-o because my husband, our 13 month old daughter, and myself were in North Carolina on vacation. It was awesomeness.

Let me tell you about my Dad. He was almost 21 when my twin and I were born and I remember him telling me that when he held us for the first time his whole world had changed. See, his own birth father was abusive and when my dad was a kid that man left my grandma and died soon afterwards. Thankfully, God blessed my dad with his "real" dad- the man I call Grandpa. It's no small thing for a man to raise another man's child and Grandpa raised my dad as his own. Sure my dad was rebellious and lived a little crazy, but when my sister and I were born my dad held us and prayed to be a better man for us. 4 years before we were born he gave his life to Christ and I know that's what really made the difference. My dad could've easily given into the reasoning that since his birth father was so awful that he couldn't break that cycle. But he didn't. My dad isn't perfect, but he's a great dad. In fact he turned out to be a father figure to many kids whose dads weren't present and I know that they were made better because of it. The greatest thing that I could say about my dad was that he pointed me to Christ. Many people had an incredible influence in that journey, but it was important for me to see the parallel between my earthly father and heavenly Father. Some of the biggest lessons I've learned in life came in the conversations with my dad, whether I listened or not. Like this guy I dated in high school and college- I knew my dad didn't like him all that much, but tolerated him because I liked him alot. I should've listened to that seemingly small thing. I learned eventually... when I introduced Larry to my dad- I knew that Larry was it. I'm sure it was a hard thing for my dad when Larry asked if he could marry me because it solidified the fact that I would never return to living under their roof or sharing those face to face conversations over the dinner table on a regular basis. My dad made lots of sacrifices for my happiness.

I suppose the reality of fatherhood never dawned on me as much as it has since Larry and I welcomed our first- our little Phoebe and it continues to dawn on me on a day to day basis what my dad went through. Phoebe's now three and those moments when she runs up to Larry after he gets home from work and grabs onto his leg and won't let go or when Larry rocks Stephen to sleep after a hard day's work... those moments are priceless to a child. I remember feeling my dad carry me half asleep out of the van growing up and putting me in bed after a crazy day and how safe I'd feel. When dad would read books to us or a few verses at the dinner table- that means alot to me. And even when he'd have to spank us when we lied or broke something... honestly my heart would break over him saying "I'm very disappointed." and not so much over the spanking, but I'm glad he disciplined us. I am very blessed to have a great dad who was there and who did things with us kids.

I know many people who didn't have that experience. I know many mothers who have to be fathers too and that breaks my heart. I learned alot of things that only my dad could've taught me... like what kind of man I wanted to marry. Larry tends to be alot like my dad in many ways and I'm thankful for that. And as a mother of a son- I know it will be important for him to learn manhood from a real man. I've been coming back to certain verses in Psalm 68 that says God is a father to the fatherless and a defender of widows. That God places the lonely in families. That's an incredible hope for those who don't have an earthly dad or who have a dad who just isn't there for them whether it's physically or spiritually. And whether my readers believe it or not- God is a better father than mine- a million times over. The times when my dad wasn't there or couldn't be there, I could always lean on the Lord for comfort and guidance. There have been many times that I simply couldn't talk to my dad about certain things, but I've never known a moment when I couldn't go to God.

So on this Father's Day, sadly I won't be able to be with my own dad and grandpa, but I'm no less thankful for them. And I have to add that I'm very blessed to have a husband who is a great dad too. :-) Above all- I'm incredibly thankful for the ultimate Father who no matter what happens or how far we stray, He's always there. If you have a great dad- tell him. If you don't- know that God wants to be if He isn't already.