1) I feel overwhelmed by my house. Needless to say I really should get over it, but maybe (just maybe) that's who I am. I need to have a clean floor to feel a sense of calm. This is the one environment I have a bit of control over so I feel there's a demand for sanity here. I find it funny that people think "Oh your house looks a lot cleaner than mine." and I smile and think to myself, "I'm pretty sure you're missing the sink full of dishes and the corner where I put the toy box that has this lava effect going on." haha! So tomorrow guess what I'm doing? I'm doing the floors (which in turn forces me to pick things up and I end up organizing most of the "public" spaces).
2) Larry felt Shiloh kick for the first time- very exciting! Then I let my 2 yr old try and a few seconds later she said, "Baby done." I told her that she could feel the baby later if she wanted and she replied, "Okay." She asks more questions and I think she's at least 100% more aware of what's going on than when I was pregnant with Stephen. It's fun to have a short conversation about Baby every now and again. I look forward to the things she says during the sonogram! :-)
3) And now a little more thought sobriety. I'm sure everyone's talking about it, but today was the first day I actually saw photos of what's going on in Japan. My imagination really couldn't come up with the scenes of the disaster areas. In one photo this mother was walking, crying, and holding her child's lifeless body- both were covered in mud. The reality of this event really hit in the few seconds I stared at this photo. It's situations like this where we want to blame something or someone, but there isn't anything or anyone to blame. We want justice to prevail and all to be right in the world, but the only thing that mother wants is the life of her child back. We can't make either happen. The only thing we can do is pray for those who are alive and give aid as quickly as possible. It amazes me that even after such an event, history will coldly say it was 8.9 on the Richter scale and it was one of the top 5 worst earthquakes/tsunamis in Japan's history (or something similar).
4) That brings me to my last thought for the night (clearing my mind is good to do before bedtime). Recorded history is pretty much heartless. The linear narrative reads off numbers, "important" names, and the effects of the said event. From volcanoes, famine, floods, and earthquakes, to wars, treaties, governments, and trade. Good or bad we can only see the deep emotional reality through pictures, letters, and journals. They reveal people who have dreams and plans for the future. These living, breathing men, women, and children had something to lose or something to gain within those pages of your history book. Each of these people had a purpose! Their pain is real as you read a handwritten note from a WWII soldier saying he won't be coming home and yet the joy is intensely palpable as you stare at the bride's face beaming through the faded wedding photo. Our physical lives are summed up by a dash between two separate dates. What we do in the midst of that dash will be remembered by the people we love and the lives we touch. Our memory is etched in the minds and hearts of those who lived in our own little world. My great great grandchildren may never know my name or face, but the legacy I leave in my children and in my children's children may be known for many decades after I'm gone. What I do here DOES matter through eternity!
So, as I struggles to finish this blog without sounding flippant, I will conclude with this. It's almost 1:00am and the day I wake up to (Lord-willing) is a gift and my legacy will be built by the moments tomorrow brings. Not so much in the extraordinary super-hero seconds, but in the "normal" and mundane minutes and hours will my dash be engraved. Thanks for reading. :-)
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