A Mother's Heart

Dear Phoebe,

You are so precious to Mommy. I remember when I was 36 weeks pregnant with you- awaiting your arrival with great anticipation and so excited that we were gonna be blessed with you within the next few weeks. You were such a surprise to us when you arrived a week and a couple of days later! I was overjoyed and scared, overwhelmed and filled with wonder, sad and oh so blissfully happy. The love I felt for you was simply indescribable- I never though I could love like that. Here we are almost 21 months later. Mommy is 36 weeks pregnant with your baby brother Stephen. As hard as I have tried to help you understand what's going on, I don't think you can fathom what is about to happen. Mommy is not as excited, nor is Mommy as scared, as I was with you. I think it's because I've been through this before and know what to expect (kind of). I have to remind myself that you probably won't remember the year and a half that we've had together- just the two of us. You and me at home all day long- reading, playing, singing, dancing, and watching the occasional tv. All those "firsts" that only Mommy saw and will hold in her heart. Your first steps, your first smile, and even your first tantrum (you were so cute). These moments are the ones that Mommy holds dearest because they are the ones that only she can carry with her. When you have a little one of your own you will understand.
So many things are about to change for us, my Daughter. When baby brother is on the outside of Mommy we won't spend as much time together playing or dancing, but I want you to know that Mommy will still love you as much as I do now. You will not be any less special nor will you be any less loved than you are right now. You are my firstborn- my crash course in parenthood- my beautiful girl, the sweet little princess that I always knew in my heart I would be blessed with one day. You are such a helper and already I see that you love baby brother. I'm not worried that you will be resentful of the new baby. :-)
Oh Phoebe, if you could understand how much things will change and how much I want to protect your heart from feeling lonely or cast aside. I wish I could explain what's about to happen. I suppose there is a bright spot in your lack of memory... you won't remember how much things changed. You will never remember what it was like to be the center of attention constantly from Mommy. You will probably only remember life as it will be when brother Stephen is here. And only Mommy will be left to hold all these months and memories in her heart- what a privilege! :-)
I love you Phoebe! Only the Lord knows what will happen in the next few weeks, but I'm thankful that I still have a little time left to gather up more cherished moments with you. :-)

From an overflowing heart,
Your Mommy